Mary Sue Magic
by Age of Muffins
Summary: Claire's been living a loveless and boring life in Mineral Town...until a strange old woman sells her a bottle that will change her life. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1: Boring Old Claire

**The Scarlet Sky:** Finally! We've started co-writing our first fic!

**Neco-Arc**: It's about time, too, nya. :)

**The Scarlet Sky**: And thanks to 1angelette, who allowed us to give her a brief cameo!

**Neco-Arc**: It's more like an allusion, or something.

**The Scarlet Sky**: (shrugs) Eh, we tried.

**Neco-Arc: **Nya .

Disclaimer: Harvest Moon is amazing, but not ours in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately.

_Age of Muffins_

Presents

Mary Sue Magic

Chapter One: Boring Old Claire

Claire sighed and plopped herself on her bed dejectedly. Moving to Mineral Town had been a horrible idea. No one wanted to flirt with a flat-chested girl in overalls—except Cliff, but he had Ann for that. Each day was spent shoveling cow manure, harvesting crops, and exchanging polite conversation with townsfolk.

It was so damn boring.

Why couldn't any of the guys at least pretend to be interested in her? Was it so much to ask? But no, everywhere she turned she saw a girl being romanced by one of the Mineral Town hotties. They already had their special someone; no one needed Claire. No one needed plain old Claire.

Why did she have to move away from the city, anyway? It was like a bazillion times larger than Mineral Town! There had to be thousands of single guys there! Why did she move? Why, oh why, oh why, oh why…

There was a knock at the door.

Claire groaned and jumped off the bed, running her fingers through her disheveled blonde hair hurriedly.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" she shouted as she ran over and opened the door. It was probably some festival or another that she had forgotten, and that stupid mayor was going to remind her to participate or something.

But it wasn't.

A strange woman with a cart smiled through yellowed teeth at the startled farm-girl.

"Um, hello?" Claire managed to say, freaked out by this weird stranger.

"Eh-heh-heh," the old lady cackled. "I bring many nice things. Nice things for the nice lady. You like? You buy?"

"Are you Won's mom or something?" Claire remarked dryly. "Cause I didn't buy anything from him, and I'm definitely not buying anything from you."

"Not mother," she shook her graying head. "Merchant. I bring secret treasures. I sell at good price. You buy?"

"What are you selling exactly?" Claire asked, looking over the cart curiously.

"Oh, many nice things," the woman shrugged. "OoC powder, bottle of Mary-Sue extract, and love potions…"

"Love potions?!" Claire gasped, reaching towards the heart-shaped bottle. To her surprise, the woman slapped her hand away.

"No touch! Love potions reserved for Angelette! Is good-paying customer! No touch! Not yours to buy!"

"But--"

"No touch! Love Potion #7 for Angelette! You want to call upon her wrath?"

Claire reluctantly pulled back her hands.

"So, what is the rest of this?" Claire inquired, glancing over the bottles. "Mary-Sue extract?"

"That," the merchant grinned, "is powerful little thing. Makes life glamorous. No more worries. Perfection in a bottle."

"Wow," Claire whistled, staring at the little green bottle. "That tiny bottle can do all that?"

The woman nodded.

"But be warned," the hag whispered, pulling Claire closer. "This will change everything. Big change. No be who you are now. Big, big change."

"Well, I need a big, big change," Claire laughed. "How much is it?"

"How much you got?" the woman asked as her eyes narrowed.

"Um…" Claire rummaged through her pockets. "Right now, I've got about 2543 G."

"That be enough," she nodded, taking all of Claire's money and depositing the green bottle in Claire's palm.

"H-hey! I can't afford to give you all of my money!" Claire protested.

"That bottle fix all," the old woman insisted. "No need money."

"You'd better be right," Claire muttered under her breath as the woman pushed her cart away. She walked inside, closing the door behind her. And sitting on her bed, she contemplated what to do.

"Well…what does the label say to do?" she wondered, turning over the bottle and squinting to read the tiny print.

"_**Mary-Sue extract**_**. Swallow complete contents of bottle. Use with caution. Side-effects vary on the individual. Do not use if you are pregnant or might become pregnant. Works best with OoC powder. Females only; Males please use our product **_**Gary-Sue extract**_**."**

Claire blinked in confusion. This was beyond weird. And yet…she was excited. Who knew what that bottle had in store for her and her hum-drum life? It was time for a change.

"Cheers," she smiled wryly as she uncorked the bottle and drank its contents in one gulp.

And after that, nothing was ever the same.


	2. Chapter 2: Mary Sue Emerges

**The Scarlet Sky**: Did we just shamelessly advertise?

**Neco-Arc**: I think so.

**The Scarlet Sky**: Alright! Another thing to check off the list of things to do before we die!

Chapter Two: Mary-Sue Emerges

The change hadn't happened immediately. In fact, Claire spent the rest of the day as ordinarily as ever. But the next morning, when she got out of bed, she realized a few bizarre things.

First, as she was getting dressed, her bra didn't quite fit right. After much groaning, complaining, and fumbling about, she managed to make it stay on without hindering her ability to breathe.

"Maybe I'm just a late-bloomer," she mused as she put on her overalls. Walking over to the mirror, Claire brought out a brush and began to brush her hair.

And then, her jaw fell open in shock.

In front of her was a taller, slimmer, curvier Claire than she had been last night. And no wonder that bra was getting tight; she had definitely upgraded a few cups!

Claire stared at the confident, stunning woman and whispered, "No way. This can't be me. It just can't. I'm plain…and boring…and…"

But suddenly, it was as if her mood changed from being completely shocked to a superior sort of pride.

"Well, would you look at me now?" Claire smiled. "I suppose I'd better wear something more suitable for a body like this."

And she promptly shed her overalls in favor of a pink tank-top and denim miniskirt.

She had intended to wear make-up that day, but somehow her face was already so radiant that such frivolities weren't necessary. After all, her lips were already rose-red, and her cheeks had a slight blush to them, and her eyes were so bright that no eye-shadow could dare compare with their flawless beauty. And mascara? As if! Claire's lashes were long and delicate, and mascara would only have clumped their perfect form.

"I feel like I've died and been reincarnated as Barbie," Claire giggled, skipping along the path to the forest, followed by adorable forest creatures. Despite the fact that she was allergic to animal fur, Claire noticed her health was perfectly fine. No allergy symptons today! A strange desire to pick flowers burned within her, and so she picked up a handful of Blue Mist flowers (which, funnily enough, were rarely in abundance) along the way.

Once she was done with that, Claire realized she had nothing to do, so she headed off to say hello to her friends in Mineral Town.

"Po-pu-ri!" Claire exclaimed as she ran to the Poultry Farm. "I've found some really pretty flowers!" She paused at the door, suddenly realizing how high-pitched her voice was. In middle-school, she'd always been teased for her deep voice. And now, to have the high voice of a giggling school-girl…was awkward. And yet, Claire enjoyed it. There was something more _feminine_ about it.

The sound of someone fumbling with the lock sounded until Rick emerged, opening the door.

"Popuri is out at Harvest Goddess Spring right now, so—" The red-head stopped in mid-sentence. He looked Claire up and down, and his face turned a deep scarlet. "How are you today, Miss?" he greeted her shyly.

"Ricky, that's so cute!" Claire laughed, her laugh somehow not her own. "It's me, Claire, you silly goose!"

Cute? Silly? Since when did she use words like that? And where did that nickname come from…Ricky? Claire tried to remember the last time she'd said them…but she couldn't. She'd blurted them out without thinking. How odd.

"C-Claire? You mean that farmgirl down the way?" Rick exclaimed dubiously.

"Of course! Who else would I be?"

"A visiting model?" Rick offered.

"Oh, Ricky! You really are adorable!" Claire gushed. Adorable. Another new word.

"W-well, while you're here, Miss Claire, would you like something to drink?" Rick suggested, already pulling her inside.

"I'd love a drink, Ricky," Claire beamed. "Would water be alright? I'm watching my figure."

"Yeah, I am, too," Rick nodded, staring at the girl. Then as he realized what he said, Rick looked away from Claire's figure hurriedly. "N-not that I'm a pervert or anything…"

An embarrassed Rick got the water and brought it over to the blonde, who drank it daintily.

"So, Claire," he began, clearing his throat. "Um…do you have any plans for the upcoming festival? Like…are you going with a boyfriend or something?"

"A boyfriend?" Claire repeated, smiling. "I wish. No guy has been sweet enough to ask me to go with him."

Rick seized his chance and blurted out, "Would you like to go with me?! I m-mean, Karen won't mind. We're just friends, so…"

"Really? I always thought Karen was…your girlfriend."

"Ha-ha!" Rick chuckled nervously. "Girlfriend! Th-that's funny!"

Claire laughed along, though she had no idea why.

"Well, I'll think about it," she winked as she turned to go. "It was nice seeing you, Ricky!"

"Y-yeah. Bye!" he called wistfully.

How strange…Why hadn't she said yes immediately? Rick was the first person to ask her to a festival. This wasn't like her; normally she would have agreed in a heart-beat. Claire shook her head in wonder.

_You can do better than that freckle-faced weasel. Honestly, why don't you set your sights a little higher? No men with glasses, PUH-lease._

Claire blinked in confusion. Now she was even thinking differently!

"It doesn't matter what a person looks like," she reminded herself. "It's what he's like on the inside that counts."

_Yeah, right. Who listens to that kind of touchy-feely crap?_

"Who asked you?!" Claire shouted. "Argh, now my head hurts…"

_Why not buy a drink from Manna to clear it up?_

"I'm broke, remember?" Claire sighed.

_You forget. You're gorgeous now. The rules don't pertain to people like you._

"People…like me?" Claire repeated.

But her inner voice was silent.

At any rate, Claire realized there was no reason _not_ to go to Manna and Duke's, so she shrugged her shoulders and went.

"Oh my goodness gracious!" Manna exclaimed, struck by the entrance of the new-and-improved Claire. "Is that little Miss String-bean Claire? Well, you certainly grew up overnight! And isn't that outfit simply precious?! Oh, Duke, get over here! Isn't she just adorable?!"

He grunted, not even turning to look, and Manna continued to shower Claire with praise.

"Why don't we share a drink to celebrate?" Manna suggested. "It's on me!"

"Thank you, Manna," Claire smiled. "You're too kind."

"Duke, you too!" Manna called. "And call Cliff over! Everyone should celebrate! Claire, dearest, I never thought you had it in you, but you're going to give Popuri and Karen a run for their money now! O-ho-ho!"

"It's no contest," Claire assured her. "It was simply time for a—change, that's all."

"And what a big change, too!" Manna laughed. "Cliff! Oh, where is that boy? You don't think he's hanging out with that Ann again, do you? Such a plain, annoying little girl..."

"Oh, I completely understand," the farmgirl nodded. "She can be so immature." Wait a minute. Wasn't Ann her closest friend in the entire village? What was up with this? Why was she suddenly saying these horrible things?

"Yo, Cliff!" Duke called. "Come here when Manna tells you to, alright?"

The door opened and a young man in beat-up clothing entered the room. Claire's heart skipped a beat.

It was Ann's boyfriend. Cliff.

And he was looking straight at Claire, and she was enjoying every minute of it.


	3. Chapter 3: Impure Thoughts

**Neco-Arc: **Yay, Cliff-poking!

**The Scarlet Sky: **YES! It's so fun!

(happyhanddance)

**Readers: **O.o

Chapter Three: Impure Thoughts

Now every girl, at some point or another, has a crush on her friend's boyfriend. It's only natural; it's the best friend's job to get to know the boyfriend and make sure he's suitable. By getting to know the boyfriend, the best friend starts to feel closer to him. So, it's perfectly alright to crush on him.

What's bad is when you _act_ on that feeling.

Claire knew that rule all too well, as all girls do, but for some reason she pushed it from her mind as the hot traveler gazed at her newly-acquired beauty.

"C-Claire? Is that you?" he stammered.

"Cliffikins, I haven't seen you in a while," she giggled, crossing her legs. "How are things?"

"Um…great, I guess," he replied, not really thinking about the question. This was Claire? The quiet, demure girl who followed his Ann around? The one who looked like she still belonged in a hormone-strewn high school?

And that weird nickname, Cliffikins? It sounded so embarrassing, but…for some reason…

It made his heart race.

"Cliff, we're going to have lunch with Claire today," Manna told him, inwardly enjoying his stunned expression. Her devious plan to set up the gorgeous girl and her favorite boy was working all too well! Muahahaha! "Why don't you pull up a chair for her?"

The traveler did so, his face turning beet red.

"This is really so sweet of you," Claire smiled as she sat down. "Cliffikins, could you pass me the salad?"

"Sure…"

Unfortunately for Cliff, he was so nervous that he knocked the salad bowl over and fell face-first onto Claire. He blinked in surprise as he noticed his mouth was only inches from Claire's perfect, ruby-red lips.

Oh, the impure thoughts! Now he'd have to confess to Carter again!

"S-sorry," Cliff apologized hurriedly, pulling himself away. "Suddenly, I'm not so hungry anymore. I'm just gonna work...in...the vineyard."

"Oh, Cliff, don't be a stick in the mud!" Manna groaned, pulling him back down into his chair. "Don't you want to spend more time with Claire?"

He glanced over at the girl, who perked up at the sound of her name.

GAH! The impurity of it all!

"Um, actually, Manna, I think we'll talk later," he managed to say as he ran out of the house.

"Cliff!" Manna called desperately.

"Don't worry, Manna," Claire nodded. "I'll check on him."

"The poor boy," Manna sighed once Claire had left. "He is so clueless when it comes to love. Thank goodness you're not like that, though, right Dukey-poo?"

"Uh-huh, yeah sure, whatever. Can you pass me the salad?" he asked, flipping a page of his newspaper.

Manna just glared at him.

* * *

"Cliffy? Cliffikins? Where are you?" Coming out of the house, Claire searched the rows of grapevines for her newfound pet. Wait, no, was that right? It sounded right, but still... 

"Oh, I found you, Cliffy! You had us all worried!" Startled by the call of the girl from the other end of the grapevine, Cliff openly jumped, dropping his bushel of grapes. Blushing madly, his first instinct was to run; far far away. But he couldn't. The impure thoughts were clogging his senses and the fact that she was heading towards him at an alarmingly fast rate was overwhelming.

"Cliff? Are you alright? You're sweating and shaking at the same time, dear." The curvy figure reached out to grab his arm.

"_Gwaha_!" Not okay! Not okay! Jumping backwards, Cliff slipped on the grapes he had dropped. He'd spent over a days work collecting the entire thing! Now he'd squished them! How would he explain this to Duke..? Hand over her mouth, Claire gave a small gasp.

"Are you alright, Cliff?"

"Er...yeah. I'm...alright." No, he wasn't; he had grape juice all over him.

"Oh, Cliffy! If you're having a hard time in the vineyards, you could have always told me! I'm sure Duke and Manna are overworking you, aren't they?"

"No, it's just that--" _These kinds of things don't just happen overnight?_

"No, no, I won't hear any of that!" Picking up the empty basket, Claire turned towards the grapevines. "I'm going to pick grapes for you." Wait, did she hear herself correctly?

_Of course you are. Perfect people can do anything. _

_"_But I'm not perfect!"

_Oh, you will be, dear. Just let me handle this; you'll confuse poor Cliffy._

Giving a slight smile to Cliff, who was still sorting his thoughts between 'pure' and 'unpure', Claire analyzed the row of grapevines.

"Now see here, Cliffy, if you pull this certain vine right here, all of the grapes will come down. See? Like this." Claire tugged one of the vines. As if by some grape miracle, every single grape dropped from the row. Did she really just do this?!

"Wha? Wait, how? Wha-?"

"There, there, Cliffikins. I don't want to hurt that brain of yours!" Bending over, Claire ruffled the brunette's hair, causing his face to go beet red.

"Cliff! Cliff!" The familiar voice of Manna could be heard approaching their row in the vineyard. Cliff drunkenly attempted to rise to his feet before she approached, though he was halfway soaked with grapes. "Cliff! There you are! I brought you some muf-- Oh my Goddess! Duke! Duke! Come look! Come look!" At the other end of the row Manna stood bewildered, the plate of muffins dropped from her hands.

"Manna, I thought I told you, there are no such things as fire breathing beavers!" Exiting the house, Duke sighed. Just another bill to the Doctor right here...

Her finger on her lips, Claire winked at Cliff. "I'll do all the talking here, alright, Cliffy?" Still dazzled, Cliff gave what could be taken as a nod. Arriving at the row of fallen grapes, Duke gave a low whistle.

"Claire, did you see Cliff do all of this?"

"Yes, sir. And I do think this is the last time he'll be doing this." What was she saying?!

_This is our first step to accomplishing our road to perfection._

"Claire, what?" Cliff blinked. What was she doing?

"Oh, really?" Duke crossed his arms, his look straight on Cliff, who now felt dizzier than ever.

"Cliff says, you both overwork him and underpay him for his efforts everyday. He says if his long hours don't get him first, it's the food that the crazy gossiper feeds him that will." Casually flicking strands of hair out of her face, Claire continued, "I think he means you, Manna. Well, shouldn't we have more respect for our fellow man? Even if he would be a wandering hobo without his salary, does that mean we should crush him with the oppression of human cruelty? Well, it ends here! From now on, Cliff demands that you treat him like the wonderful human being he is! He knows he's a special unique snowflake, and he refuses to eat your cooking or work your unfair hours any longer! He demands freedom! Justice! And the right to eat a wholesome delcious meal without getting food poisoning!"

Awkward silence. Duke stared. Manna twitched. Cliff felt faint. Claire was speechless at the words that had just came out of her mouth.

"Well...Claire...you can tell Cliff...he's fired." Jaw opened, Duke placed his hand on his head and left. Manna followed quickly behind.

"The nerve! I hope he knows I got every recipe straight from the Gourmet Chef Cookbook that Won sold me! Pfft, my cooking..."

Oh no, what had she done?! This was unbearable! She couldn't get away with this! "Wait! Wait! Duke! Manna! I'm not-!"

"Claire! We don't care if you're finished or not. We've heard enough." Before Claire could reach them, she heard the door to the Aja house shut. Oh boy, what had she done...

Claire heard a _plop_ behind her. Poor Cliffy had fainted in the grape juice.


End file.
